


di inferi

by SabbyWrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, Chronic Illness, Death God AU, Hospitals, Largely Abstract, M/M, No Quotation Marks, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Vignettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-10-24 20:45:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10749492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabbyWrites/pseuds/SabbyWrites
Summary: As far as Levi is concerned, things such as fear and love and sorrow are frivolous.But then he sees Eren Yeager, and he understands.





	1. glass jars

**Author's Note:**

> This AU just came to me the other day and wouldn't let go until I had written for it. This series will be largely abstract, and told in vignettes. I hope the formatting doesn't put many of you off.

Levi Ackerman knows nothing of black and white. 

He is only versed in shades of grey. Only able to occupy the knowledge cradled between good and evil. Only able to exist with the burden of truth and assessment weighing on either shoulder. Death is his business, his purpose, and with that comes judgement that does not discriminate. His job is to take and to take and leave nothing in return, just voids in the shape of the good and the evil and the in between. He is not allowed to dislike it. He is not allowed to enjoy it. He just _is_ , and that is that-- existing as grey and as neutral as the ash of sin and virtue that the gods created him from. 

This is, perhaps, the root cause of his inability to comprehend fragility. He is timeless, unable to be eroded or weathered by eons or by belief, because he is the personification of the only thing certain in the universe; if there is a start, there will be a finish. He does not understand why people fear him, why there is such an aversion to his domain when it is a sturdy mass of stone in the midst of a raging ocean. As such, he has come to view mortals as made of things like crepe paper and insect wings and their hearts as glass jars, filled always to the point of shattering under the pressure. He does not distract himself with watching them pick up the pieces. As far as he is concerned, things such as fear and love and sorrow are frivolous. 

But then he sees Eren Yeager, and he understands. Sees white for the first time in his hospital sheets, black in the pinpricks of his pupils, and then-- and _then, and then, and then and then and then and then…!_

In his chest, where there has always been silence, he hears it. A faint echo, a gentle chime almost lost among the other sounds of life. Foreign to him, yet unmistakable in its magnitude. 

The sound of something falling into an empty glass jar.


	2. the procession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As noted in the tag, there will be no quotation marks in this series. Dialogue is implied by the right alignment of formatting. 
> 
> Thank you for the lovely comments. <3

The thing that Levi finds with people like Eren-- the terminally ill, that is-- is that they often have their funerals before they die. 

Not on purpose. Not consciously. But there’s always a cycle of people that come in and out of the hospital room like a procession of mourners, carrying heavy hearts and flowers that they know will be laid on a grave instead of a bedside table in the future. Eren affords them a curious curl of his lips each time-- a pat on the back of the hand for a yellow-haired boy and a girl with a red scarf, a strained joke for a classmate with a long and concerned face, and a small whisper of thanks for the man and woman that must be his parents. Levi watches from the corner of the room as he always does when his services are needed, acutely aware of the thrumming of life in every single body. Eren’s seems paltry by comparison. 

And yet, his eyes look lively every single time they flicker over to Levi’s corner. 

Levi isn’t used to that. What he’s used to is hanging around dying humans like some sort of scavenger, feeding off the sorrow until it’s time to collect their soul and usher it to another plane of existence. What he’s used to is being unnoticed, _invisible_ , and able to move and observe as he pleases. But this is not so with Eren; Levi finds that he’s static in his position, ethereal limbs stiff at his side. 

It’s the third night of watching him that Eren finally speaks to Levi, words low and raspy and tumbling into the room like sputtering water from a broken faucet.

I can see you, you know. 

Levi says nothing. He looks at nothing. He tries to think of nothing.

I’m going to die, aren’t I?

Levi is silent.


	3. the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi's speech is formatted to the center. Eren's is to the right. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, for your lovely comments <3

Eren likes looking out the window. 

Levi isn’t really sure why that is exactly, but he can guess with near certainty. Eren must miss being outside. He has a tan to his skin that comes from enjoying the sunlight, freckles down his arms that look like little pebbles in a miniscule river, and wide eyes that seem to long more and more with every cloud that passes through the clear blue sky.

I’ve never been to the beach.

Levi blinks once, twice, before he remembers that Eren is talking to him. He’s not looking at him, and without the pressure of those eyes on him, Levi feels a little more relaxed. There’s still a pain in his chest, though, that stems from Eren’s wistful gaze at the world outside the hospital room.  
  
It’s right where his heart would be, if his body had one.

I’ve never done much of anything. And now I never will.

Levi has existed long enough to know that this is the part where other humans would comfort Eren, would tell him that he’s going to beat this somehow and they’ll be able to go to the beach or on hikes or travel the world and that-- that is just cruel, Levi thinks. That humans would have the audacity to lie to one another in hours as dark as these ones. It’s nothing but a farce to make the liars feel better about themselves and to give the sick an impossible _perhaps_ to cling onto, one that they will regret not fulfilling in their dying moments.  
  
Levi has always only known the truth. And right now, that truth is death.

No, you won’t.

Eren doesn’t jump when Levi first speaks to him. Perhaps if he had the energy to do so, if his body wasn’t betraying him, he would have. But his head just slowly turns from the window to the corner, and that wistful expression in his eyes dies out. Levi wishes that it was a tangible thing that he could reach out and grab.

Does it hurt?

Does what hurt?

Dying.

I couldn’t tell you. I’ve never died before.

Eren laughs. A sound that probably took up an entire room when he was well, but is now regulated to a choking wheeze. His fingers curl at his side, a small movement that Levi does not miss.

Right. That was a dumb question.

Levi can’t think of much to say, other than

Yes, it was.


End file.
